Crime Museum

Crime Museum
Police HQ (aka Police Depot)
Floriana


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Nothing draws Maltese crowds like the promise of unlimited freebies or wobbly mannequin heads.

Reconstructed crime scenes or tableaux of Malta's most notorious murders with their grim implements of doom (a knife! a bomb! an obsolete washing machine!) as well as photos of the crime scenes themselves.

You might protest that the mannequins used are clearly not believable, but that's missing the point. Like fake waves on a man-made beach, the conceit is part of the fun. Besides, the fact that they're mannequins actually makes them that much spookier, like an enormous menacing Ken. How much spookier would Ken be if he was spookily opening the door with a knife spookily concealed in the other hand whilst spookily eyeing Barbie who is in her bath washing her royal bakelite behind? Spooky, huh?

Ex-Justice and Home Affairs Minister Tonio Borg
(also into unlimited freebies and wobbly mannequin heads)

There's also a section with old police memorabilia - including a 19th century bicycle with those 'honky honk' horns (I was stupid enough to honk it in the presence of about 10 police officers who reminded me, in no uncertain terms, that the displays are not for touching and the horns are not for honking) and a fantastic sign that says 'Disperse - We are going to throw tear gas!'.

Anyways the bit with the scary dolls is the bit you really want to see...

Malta's most interesting and entertaining museum (by far). Congrats to the coppers who work on the displays during their time off. Time well spent fellas - here's hoping none of you ever get mistresses or girlfriends...

LINKS:
Malta 2008 - "Crime Museum - Police HQ"
Times of Malta - "Police open museum to show crime does not pay"

St. Philip's Public Garden (Gnien San Filippu)

St. Philip's Public Garden
Triq Vincenzo Bugeja
Floriana
(right next door to Argotti Botanical Gardens)


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I had discovered this park (which we call 'public garden' in Maltese-English) in my mid teens. I then promptly did what all teenagers do when they've discovered secluded spots bereft of any form of adult life:

1. Tried to bring girls here
2. Told my friends about it

Since we were all skateboarders, it wasn't too long before the place was overrun with ollying and kickflipping kids playing metal and hip-hop tapes on Sanyo ghetto blasters.

I eventually found out what a woefully misguided act telling my friends was. Any time I'd bring a girl here (not that there were hundreds of those, mind you) on a Sunday morning there would always be someone I knew who would come and 'hang out' with us, oblivious to the fact that I'm planning some major bra-unclasping by the end of the day (said bra-unclasping would rarely materialise anyway...).

Now that I'm too old to be busting out nosegrinds and 360s with fifteen year olds (unless I want to look like a pedo) I'm telling you; don't dissapoint me. Nowadays the skaters are nowhere to be seen, so you'll have the garden all to yourself. Well, unless the entire readership of this blog (all three of you) decamp there at the same time that is...

Crystal Palace (aka Is-Serkin tar-Rabat)

Crystal Palace
Rabat (just outside Mdina)


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A traditional brutal-rural Maltese caff. Milky tea served from a kettle that predates the second world war, fresh pastizzi, dog-eared copies of Il-Passa and lots of hunters discussing birds and how to blast the shit out of them.

Most Maltese are vehemently against hunting. This lot are vehemently against people who are vehemently against hunting - so discussing the relative fairness of the EU Hunting Directive is ill-advised (to put it mildly) .

This place opens at 4 AM which would explain why it's so popular with hirsute hunters and night owls (or 'revellers' if you must). You'd expect the two wouldn't get along - and well, they don't really have to... they just ignore eachother. The twain shall never meet and all that.

Anyway - it's something of a tradition for people who spent their night at Gianpula or Tattingers to go to this place to buy their early morning pastizzi.

Interestingly, the hunters seem to be really, really into desert camo fatigues. An unusual sartorial choice considering they're going to be sitting in a stone hut for hours waiting for the right moment to shoot down the odd Kinder Surprise-sized bird rather than hunting down Taliban insurgents in northern Djalalabad. But then again, what do I know about hunting?


LINKS

"Crystal Palace, Rabat, Malta" - drerk.de (text in DE, but lots of pics)

Prego

Prego
58 South Street (Triq Nofs in-Nhar)
Valletta
(opp. Pizza Hut)



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Prego has been around for donkey's years... and nothing has changed since the last refurbishment in the mid-60s. Nothing. The staff hasn't changed, the food hasn't changed, the bathrooms haven't changed (there's enough space to play ten pin bowling with Shrek and two dozen of his close friedns and still have enough space left to play 5-a-side football).

The vertiginous descent to Prego's toilets (Photo: Il-Franciza)

Best of all, the 1960s decor hasn't changed one iota.

The coffee is excellent, the food passable and the waiters pensive (they said all that had to be said a few decades ago) . The comfy sofas and the old-school ambiance is, above all, what makes this place a winner.

"With a family tree that has deep Sicilian roots, it is clear why the Bezzina family takes coffee seriously. In 1946, Salvatore Bezzina opened Prego cafeteria in South Street, Valletta. At the time, he also ran the Ferry Café in Sliema, which closed down in 1958.

Today, Prego is still a family business.

Giorgio and Sunny, Salvatore's sons, run Prego, together with Carmelo Spiteri, their cousin, and Joe Borg, who has been working there since time immemorial.

Giorgio started working at Prego in 1974, when he was 16.

'It was always my dream to work in a cafeteria. I love the movement, the people, the conversations and the character our cafeteria has. In fact, we do our best to maintain its 1960s style. The last refurbishment was in 1965, and it has stayed like that. In much the same way, I have kept secret my recipe of how to make a good espresso. I would not tell it to anyone.' "

LINK/SOURCE
"To bean or not to bean" - L-Arka

Upcoming events

These are your options:



1. Word-of-mouth.

Ask around.

2. Forums, Websites and Facebook pages.

It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it. That someone being you of course...

Yell (Website)
Fairly comprehensive listings site with a very unusual header of five people suffering from an electrically-induced stroke (or are they just happy?)

Scaremongering (Forum)
One of Malta's most active artsy forums and a good place to start. Lots of inconsequential rants about everything, but sift through the babble and you'll find interesting pointers to events: arts, rock or rave (as we used to call dance music a few centuries ago), experimental stuff, etc.

Hairy Amp (Forum)
A new forum. Looks like it focuses more on the rock scene (particularly alt.rock) than any other scene but seems willing to branch out into other areas.

Squadron (Forum)
Parties. House, techno, unz unz unz. Lookee here.

Alternative Malta (Forum)
This alt.rock forum has been around for a few years now. Well - HAD been around for a few years - as it doesn't seem to be online. Still, they're all Facebooked up nowadays...

Eventsmalta et al (Facebook group)
Let them eat spam (sometimes) . Wahey!

3. Malta Tourist Office.

Reasonably friendly but also reasonably clueless.

(Valletta Malta Tourist Information 1 City Arcades City Gate, Valletta - Tel: +356 2123-7747)

5. Newspapers.

MaltaToday (click on "culture)

Times of Malta (click on "social & personal" > "what's on today")

Island of Comino (Kemmuna)

Island of Comino


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I love Comino. In a place as densely populated as Malta you often feel the need to get away from the crowds, lest you murder someone (everyone). When I do, I usually go to Cirkewwa and ask one of the barklori (oarsmen) if they're going to Comino and negotiate a reasonable price. You might also want to ask him about getting back (asking him for his mobile phone number might be a wise move...).

Ahh. Proper wilderness. No shops, no bars, no banks. Nothing except dry wilderness, wild bunnies, lizards, a few abandoned government buildings, a police station and a very Hellenic-looking chapel.

Incongruously, there's also a massive pink building - the Comino Hotel. A bit of an eyesore but the hotel itself is pleasant enough, even if the food is rubbish - but it's better than nothing. I think.

They've even got some bungalows and a disused tennis court and a small shop with erratic opening hours that sells newspapers, chocolates and souvenirs no one wants.

Comino is the sort of place that lends itself to pretty much anything outdoorsy. If you want to go alone to explore the island on your own it's simple enough to do. If you want to go with your friends (you'll get a barbecue and a drunken vulgar singalong going in no time), again it's also quite simple to organise.

If you're going to spend the night there remember to pack your own tent and use the specially designated camping zone (the one next to the police station). You don't have to, but you're just supposed to that's all...

Comino - je t'aime.

Valletta Ghost Walk

Tick where applicable. If I say ghosts would you:

1. Scoff and generally piss on the whole paranormal bonfire
2. Piss your pants in fear and scoff at nonbelievers

If you're somewhere between the two you should enjoy this tour. If your aim is to meet a few ghosts, have a chat with them or maybe even enjoy a quiet meal with an ectoplasmic entity or two you might be disappointed. You won't actually get to see any ghosts on this tour - unless, that is, one of you wears a sheet with two holes and goes "whooo! whoooo!" a lot until one of you pokes him in the eyes. But as an exercise in trying to scare yourself witless and seeing The City in a different, more unusual light it's certainly fun.

There's also a book available - The DIY Valletta Ghost Walk. An ideal book for asocial types who don't like mingling with mortals when they're hunting for the undead.

The Kitchen

The Kitchen
210 Tower Road (Triq It-Torri)
Sliema, Tel: 2131 1112, Mob: 9945 5650/60
Open for lunch and dinner


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A relatively little-known but very good restaurant on the Sliema front.

The head chef studied and worked in Belgium - and brought more than a few bottles of trappist ale, a few kgs of chocs and a considerably fatter belly back to prove it. His execution and imaginative use of ingredients has indeed quite a Belgian feel to it. It's like being back in Brussels, with a more Mediterranean feel and minus the rain in summer and the dogshit everywhere.

Recommended.

"Situated on Malta’s most beautiful promenade, The Kitchen is one of the top
restaurants on the island. Owned by the international awardwinning Chef Mark
Gauci and his partner Nadja, this is the kind of place that makes you want to
return. Once you enter the inconspicuous front door, you discover a minimalist
yet comforting environment and an atmosphere that only few places on the island
can create. Mark has recently won the prestigious Chef of the Year award. The a
Ia carte menu is versatile, both taste-wise and price-wise."

LINKS/SOURCE:
"The Kitchen", Guide to Malta
"Atomic Kitchen", Mona's Meals (review)

Palazzo Santa Rosa

Mistra Bay, Mellieha
Tuesday to Saturday. lunch and dinner. Sunday -lunch.
Tel: +356 21 582 737


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Unfortunately I haven't eaten here yet, but any organic nazi who is insane enough to mix rabbits and snails - and can actually pull it off - gets my vote.

The next time I'm in Malta I'm def going to check this place out.

"A unique location by the sea in idyllic Mistra Bay.

Outstanding cuisine using mostly organic produce grown on the estate. Truly outstanding gastronomic experience. Using only fresh ingredients and no artificial
chemicals, Palazzo Santa Rosa redefines modern-traditional cuisine pioneering
the use of the finest ingredients from across the world.

Amedei & Valrhona Chocolate, Cafe Vergnano, vanilla from Madagascar, saffron from
Kashmir, local wild herbs and vegetables and their own exceptional Organic extra
virgin olive oil. A must for all gastronomes. Menu changes seasonally. Hundreds
of wines from across the world. Members of the Slowfood Movement. "

LINKS/SOURCE:

""Better unfashionably late than never" - Mona's Meals (review)

"Palazzo Santa Rosa" - Heart of Malta